Tag Archives: school

A Little Confused About Life

So what if people don’t like you just the way you are? Do you just sit and cry for nothing and blame yourself why you cannot be the one you wanted to be that is to be loved by others?

I didn’t enjoy my high school years to start it off…

In our school system in our country, we had four years to kill in order to finish high school and then you would have to enter college …well probably for those who had lots of money and for those who were traditionally raised to finish the school system.

But not me…

First year in high school and ninety nine percent of the class didn’t want my existence and there was this one girl whom I cannot forget because she had the most influencial aura to tell the class not to want me nor not to talk to me and she succeeded in that no questions asked. Although, I just realized today that maybe she was just insecure, I had to say I commend her for her power to influence others.

Two years in college and I decided to stop. We were financially broke and I had to step in and make a move because my dad was not earning much already to support for my school. Like any other on the trend, I entered BPO industry. Long story short, I’m pretty much spending five years in this world of outsourcing people already and still don’t know what to do or what is the purpose of my existence or what is it really that I want to achieve in life..

Yes I am studying Accountancy but unfortunately I would have to stop again due to some other circumstances but that is definitely fine with me. Please do not scold me why do I have to stop again, or maybe school is not really for me. You know what is wrong? When I was there out in a world where everyone does what they love, where everyone was chasing after their dream, I was there still stuck with this thing in mind …what do I really want in life aside from being loved in return?

So what if only a few people loved me just the way I am? So what if only a few people only knew what was good in me? I actually find it far more convinient to only have a few in your life than plenty.

But sometimes, chasing your dream alone is never enough to achieve satisfaction and let us admit it, our experiences may be our best teacher but we have to take consideration how other people could give us lectures we could use to learn and to survive. See, we all want things in perspective and we all want it in action …in an instant. No, it will never be like that.

I Dare To Dream

I had a lot of dreams-to-be when I was a kid. My father taught me to aim high but of course I was unaware of how it should be since all I wanted before was to play with my pot toys, paper dolls and such. At around my 3 to 5 years of age I couldn’t remember of what I was as a kid in the family or at least as the only girl among my three half-brothers. I started pre-school at my Mom’s province in Bulacan, as one of the active students I joined this event where I had to deliver not a speech but a poem. I forgot if I was nervous on stage but I knew I didn’t care and that was the first time I gained confidence and started dreaming to be always on stage.

I transferred back in Manila the moment I reached grade school. My dream to be on-stage slept and encountered a lot, as in a lot of criticisms and humiliations because of how I looked-like (maybe I was ugly before) I guess or maybe with their impression with me but a friend back then was always there for me, well at least I got her. It was a normal childhood for me and didn’t bother to dream of anything, just to live everyday with what I have, toys, Moms & a Dad (biological and a step Mom) and my cousins.

A year before graduating in grade school, Dad decided to get me and enroll me to another school where it was far from Tondo, Manila. Reason for this was, Dad didn’t like me to spend my adolescence period with Mom (the biological of course) because it will be in Tondo where a lot of bad influences were at place. Not to mention the part in that town where you would encounter war freaks, snatchers etc., in short where I lived in Tondo was in the depressed area, but of course there’s a part there where big houses and middle class people lived, 2 faces of the town as what I wanted to call it.

Then I got interested in sports: Track and field and Volleyball. None of them was for me and neither did I force myself to go on training. That’s when my confidence dipped, I got criticized for the track and field due to my over-sized legs since almost all of the participants in the tryout event were skinny, I backed out. Then I enjoyed volleyball a bit until I told everyone that I was a transferee from another school and that made them an impression where I felt discriminated, I backed out. As a result, I didn’t show up to any sports tryout in school but I made sure to focus more on my academics since I was really frustrated back then, If they didn’t like externally of how I was, I showed them what I got intellectually. In the end, I was one of the top honors in our school, bragging rights for me before reaching High School life.

(…to be continued)