Tag Archives: maturity

Re-constructed Irish

So I’m back in blogging with whatever thoughts I come across to… It has been half a year ever since I pulled over and stopped expressing every feeling, every thoughts, everything…

Honestly speaking, I was drowned in love just like that. Everything had been put in to test, no I did not want to detail every single tear I shed, no I did not want to think about the pain I went through but yes I am living with all the good things being in love resulted me in to. Of course it was sweet but highly to be maintained, no time for slip ups and tiny errors otherwise it would be a mess, there was surely a war.

Sometimes, being selfish brings our ego up high and admittedly one of the good feelings yet to be guarded at all times, what comes around goes around. Selfishly in love was one of the things that controlled me where I want was just me and no one else, I was not sure if I was influenced or was it just really me. It was difficult, it was overwhelming, it was a beautiful kind of hurting.

I found myself reading blogs and articles hoping I could find the answer and better understand why in the world this is happening to me, why in the world everything has to be out of place and out of hands. Then I stopped for a while and listened to my inner self, I was wanting to do a lot, I was wanting to do everything I want at the same time and then I blew up never redeemed myself for a while.

I know I needed a break and I needed a space but things just keep moving on and so I had to. You know the feeling when you notice yourself aging and looked back behind with what have you done in your life you were most proud of? Have you had enough savings? Have you had enough of everything? I think I grew up too fast…

I never understood the magic of Law Of Attraction anyways, I watched the documentary yes, I heard what they said yes, tried to apply it in my life yes, but nothing succeeded and found myself trying hard for something I was really not. There was no harm in trying right? If it’s for your own worth, why not?

But this is me… No matter what people think, whether they say I care less… I am entitled to my own feelings and I am entitled to my own actions.

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Especially For You (an open letter)

A great impact when I read your blog …do not blame onto others of what you are now today, because it was you all along who chose the road to take and people around you were just merely your guidance… However it was on how you’ve wrote it, it was ourselves who make our own destiny…

You are right… Cause even when I was a kid, I had always been told on what to do and how to act in front of the crowd and so I became dependent on people who decide for myself as long as it was in my favor, but it shouldn’t be like that… I was wrong…

Whenever people asked me to do a certain thing, I just simply nod and do what they say… They command and I follow… Until I slowly learn how to say ‘No’ because some things were becoming against my will and I was slowly building my belief among things I came across to…

To cut the story short, wrong decisions had been made, mistakes were done, words had been spoken, people got hurt, people cried and people go… But life must go on and every new beginning comes with a lot of lessons to carry on. Ask for forgiveness and learn a lot… As long as it will make you a better person, why not?

For now, I don’t intend to find a man whom I can appreciate and treasure cause I have to start on my own.. I have to appreciate what I have and start taking good care of myself… I have to study hard and put all my efforts to it and that’s what I know for now…

Love is not about finding whom you should you really be with, cause as long as you feel good about yourself and start doing good about everything… You’ll definitely attract the same person as you do…

#youareirreplaceable

Run …away

Tonight…

I want to run …away

Run …away from heartaches and forget all the pain

Tonight…

I want to go far …and be alone.

…but today, he supposed to fly here in Manila and enjoy his vacation from his hardwork from afar.

…and today, I may be waiting for nothing. How I wish everything was the same as planned…

Plans that were left behind…

People change, people pretend… Read between the lines, he doesn’t want to meet me anymore. And even if we could some other day, he may not be the same and i may not be the same …maybe not the same as to getting worst but just being a better person.

I always ask God why this needs to happen? …unusual it may seem, I am still thankful even if I can’t get the answer… He works in a very unique way for the wierdest me ever.

I am getting tired… But then, my heart beats for one reason over and over no matter how I try to cover up this heartache everytime I wake up and it’s always been him…

Waiting in vain…

What will happen next? I don’t know…

I just want to …run …away