Tag Archives: Dream

A Little Confused About Life

So what if people don’t like you just the way you are? Do you just sit and cry for nothing and blame yourself why you cannot be the one you wanted to be that is to be loved by others?

I didn’t enjoy my high school years to start it off…

In our school system in our country, we had four years to kill in order to finish high school and then you would have to enter college …well probably for those who had lots of money and for those who were traditionally raised to finish the school system.

But not me…

First year in high school and ninety nine percent of the class didn’t want my existence and there was this one girl whom I cannot forget because she had the most influencial aura to tell the class not to want me nor not to talk to me and she succeeded in that no questions asked. Although, I just realized today that maybe she was just insecure, I had to say I commend her for her power to influence others.

Two years in college and I decided to stop. We were financially broke and I had to step in and make a move because my dad was not earning much already to support for my school. Like any other on the trend, I entered BPO industry. Long story short, I’m pretty much spending five years in this world of outsourcing people already and still don’t know what to do or what is the purpose of my existence or what is it really that I want to achieve in life..

Yes I am studying Accountancy but unfortunately I would have to stop again due to some other circumstances but that is definitely fine with me. Please do not scold me why do I have to stop again, or maybe school is not really for me. You know what is wrong? When I was there out in a world where everyone does what they love, where everyone was chasing after their dream, I was there still stuck with this thing in mind …what do I really want in life aside from being loved in return?

So what if only a few people loved me just the way I am? So what if only a few people only knew what was good in me? I actually find it far more convinient to only have a few in your life than plenty.

But sometimes, chasing your dream alone is never enough to achieve satisfaction and let us admit it, our experiences may be our best teacher but we have to take consideration how other people could give us lectures we could use to learn and to survive. See, we all want things in perspective and we all want it in action …in an instant. No, it will never be like that.

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When Maturity Sets In

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Peer pressures were everywhere, depends on how you would entertain it. Influences, whether good or bad, up to you on how you would perceive it to be. High school was when I first started writing essays and poems. High school was when I started receiving commendations from what I wrote but criticisms were always being at their best. I’m not a keeper for things; I learned and forget not-so-good memories from someone, I threw away things not-so-worth-remembering because even things could be out of place, if you really have the sense of keeping the value, it’s going to be written in your memory intact.

My first critic for my first poem was my brother. Should he be hurting my feelings when I should be expecting some moral support? I was passive; I forgot what he had told me, how bad it was and how I felt on my first feedback. It was a love poem, it was for someone I like but liked someone else. I went on with my poem and essay writing but I never let it publicized in school because everyone in class hated me. That’s when I started to choose friends very carefully. That’s when I realized the real value of fewer but real friends.

Being too much flexible, I compromised my academics and teachers started ignoring me since my performance was not above average anymore when I met my laid-back friend. No biggie for me why I chose to be with her because if not with her, I wouldn’t be confident enough to express my feelings and to stand strong whenever I needed to. That’s what I didn’t learn in school.

I knew I was good in singing back then so I started to dream of being a singer and encourage myself to join a group for singing in school but still I failed to do so. I got rejected but that didn’t stop me to dream big, although I endure the rejection at some point. Honestly, my singing talent developed gradually when I started singing songs from: Taylor Dayne, Debbie Gibson, Tiffany and other artists from the 80’s including Celine Dion, Mariah Carey and more. High school life had a lot to offer but not for me since I pretty much didn’t like what I went through before. Rejections and fears, love and hatred, I met some of the “plastics” in school and had to deal with them till we graduated in ’06.

I wasn’t able to enjoy my entire college life because as you may know, I haven’t finished my degree yet but now I’m on the process of going back to school. Dreams I had before are still a dream and right now I’m dreaming to be a writer apparently so I started out blogging and writing every point of view that I know will be worth it. I also got criticisms in writing so I listened to them, not taking it seriously though.

Now that I’m working, I knew I had to learn more and will still go through a lot of things whether it may do me any good or not I wouldn’t mind. A big thanks to my mentors and supervisors, although they won’t pay me much at least I learned a lot from them and respectively correcting me when I’m being stubborn.