Tag Archives: criticism

When Maturity Sets In

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Peer pressures were everywhere, depends on how you would entertain it. Influences, whether good or bad, up to you on how you would perceive it to be. High school was when I first started writing essays and poems. High school was when I started receiving commendations from what I wrote but criticisms were always being at their best. I’m not a keeper for things; I learned and forget not-so-good memories from someone, I threw away things not-so-worth-remembering because even things could be out of place, if you really have the sense of keeping the value, it’s going to be written in your memory intact.

My first critic for my first poem was my brother. Should he be hurting my feelings when I should be expecting some moral support? I was passive; I forgot what he had told me, how bad it was and how I felt on my first feedback. It was a love poem, it was for someone I like but liked someone else. I went on with my poem and essay writing but I never let it publicized in school because everyone in class hated me. That’s when I started to choose friends very carefully. That’s when I realized the real value of fewer but real friends.

Being too much flexible, I compromised my academics and teachers started ignoring me since my performance was not above average anymore when I met my laid-back friend. No biggie for me why I chose to be with her because if not with her, I wouldn’t be confident enough to express my feelings and to stand strong whenever I needed to. That’s what I didn’t learn in school.

I knew I was good in singing back then so I started to dream of being a singer and encourage myself to join a group for singing in school but still I failed to do so. I got rejected but that didn’t stop me to dream big, although I endure the rejection at some point. Honestly, my singing talent developed gradually when I started singing songs from: Taylor Dayne, Debbie Gibson, Tiffany and other artists from the 80’s including Celine Dion, Mariah Carey and more. High school life had a lot to offer but not for me since I pretty much didn’t like what I went through before. Rejections and fears, love and hatred, I met some of the “plastics” in school and had to deal with them till we graduated in ’06.

I wasn’t able to enjoy my entire college life because as you may know, I haven’t finished my degree yet but now I’m on the process of going back to school. Dreams I had before are still a dream and right now I’m dreaming to be a writer apparently so I started out blogging and writing every point of view that I know will be worth it. I also got criticisms in writing so I listened to them, not taking it seriously though.

Now that I’m working, I knew I had to learn more and will still go through a lot of things whether it may do me any good or not I wouldn’t mind. A big thanks to my mentors and supervisors, although they won’t pay me much at least I learned a lot from them and respectively correcting me when I’m being stubborn.

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I Dare To Dream

I had a lot of dreams-to-be when I was a kid. My father taught me to aim high but of course I was unaware of how it should be since all I wanted before was to play with my pot toys, paper dolls and such. At around my 3 to 5 years of age I couldn’t remember of what I was as a kid in the family or at least as the only girl among my three half-brothers. I started pre-school at my Mom’s province in Bulacan, as one of the active students I joined this event where I had to deliver not a speech but a poem. I forgot if I was nervous on stage but I knew I didn’t care and that was the first time I gained confidence and started dreaming to be always on stage.

I transferred back in Manila the moment I reached grade school. My dream to be on-stage slept and encountered a lot, as in a lot of criticisms and humiliations because of how I looked-like (maybe I was ugly before) I guess or maybe with their impression with me but a friend back then was always there for me, well at least I got her. It was a normal childhood for me and didn’t bother to dream of anything, just to live everyday with what I have, toys, Moms & a Dad (biological and a step Mom) and my cousins.

A year before graduating in grade school, Dad decided to get me and enroll me to another school where it was far from Tondo, Manila. Reason for this was, Dad didn’t like me to spend my adolescence period with Mom (the biological of course) because it will be in Tondo where a lot of bad influences were at place. Not to mention the part in that town where you would encounter war freaks, snatchers etc., in short where I lived in Tondo was in the depressed area, but of course there’s a part there where big houses and middle class people lived, 2 faces of the town as what I wanted to call it.

Then I got interested in sports: Track and field and Volleyball. None of them was for me and neither did I force myself to go on training. That’s when my confidence dipped, I got criticized for the track and field due to my over-sized legs since almost all of the participants in the tryout event were skinny, I backed out. Then I enjoyed volleyball a bit until I told everyone that I was a transferee from another school and that made them an impression where I felt discriminated, I backed out. As a result, I didn’t show up to any sports tryout in school but I made sure to focus more on my academics since I was really frustrated back then, If they didn’t like externally of how I was, I showed them what I got intellectually. In the end, I was one of the top honors in our school, bragging rights for me before reaching High School life.

(…to be continued)