Monthly Archives: November 2013

Run …away

Tonight…

I want to run …away

Run …away from heartaches and forget all the pain

Tonight…

I want to go far …and be alone.

…but today, he supposed to fly here in Manila and enjoy his vacation from his hardwork from afar.

…and today, I may be waiting for nothing. How I wish everything was the same as planned…

Plans that were left behind…

People change, people pretend… Read between the lines, he doesn’t want to meet me anymore. And even if we could some other day, he may not be the same and i may not be the same …maybe not the same as to getting worst but just being a better person.

I always ask God why this needs to happen? …unusual it may seem, I am still thankful even if I can’t get the answer… He works in a very unique way for the wierdest me ever.

I am getting tired… But then, my heart beats for one reason over and over no matter how I try to cover up this heartache everytime I wake up and it’s always been him…

Waiting in vain…

What will happen next? I don’t know…

I just want to …run …away

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The Cover Up

Let the pain remain…

Let the heart mend

…in time

I was crying for days straight after the big fight. Everytime I’m going back to what happened I cried… Everytime I hear the words he said in my mind I cried even more and everytime I see to it that he’s gone I’m depressed …cant eat, can’t sleep, can’t lift even a single pen… I lost appetite with almost everything except school…

I know I should get going and move forward …without him, move on without him as he was with me …that’s what he said. I know I should focus on myself and to all positive things that surrounds me, that’s what they said …too far to become real in just a snap …I couldn’t do it.

I go to school half of the day and work full time all night… Days went by just like that, first few days were so hard to pretend I’m okay *sigh* …I was getting exhausted of sleepless mornings and a little bit of swollen eyes to hide from people (…who frequently asked if i cried) …I didn’t wanna cry anymore but the pain still remains, I didn’t know what to do… I just dont wanna cry …again.

Few days left and he’s going home from across the world …without me. Why this had to happen when we’re about to see each other finally? To be with each others arms?

Few days left and i’m still waiting for him to talk to me… Why do i have to feel this way when he already said we had to move on?

Few days left… But i need to turn my attention to school for now, to cover up at least this pain that is resting…

To cover up with sadness…

Reflections: The Love Chapter

Either we endure the pain or we be swept away… Either we stay or go… Either we chase or not, either way we will always have a choice. So how do we keep our faith in chances of fighting for love? Do we just follow what we know? Or we give in to what we want to believe? A hard battle isn’t it?

November 20, 2013

I’ve messed it up… Or the situation needed to be… Cause it had to be…

Words that i let out that night was too painful for him to take that i totally didn’t care or forgot who he was in my life. That he was the only treasure I have these days where I find courage to go on, to keep moving forward, to see things positively and I blown it up just like that…

For him…

I may not be the right girl for him anymore or at least he doesn’t see me now as what i am and who i could be, but who i was that night.

For me…

…only if he could see it through …only if he listened to the situation …only if he let me explain …we could do more if we’re together …we could reach far if we’re together …we could fight this battle if we’re together …but all was too late.

Walls had been built and i can’t get through anymore… I tried to explain …email …text messages …messengers, but I just can’t. I was left behind the walls …or maybe I should try harder?

I love him but with all that i told him that night… if loosing him would make him a better person, a better man, a better husband in the future… I am willing to sacrifice my own happiness.

November 24,2013

I went to church for a visit and reflect on with what’s happening in my life… Finally i’ve felt what love was and what love is. A love that was overwhelming and naive and a love that is pure and unconditional. A love that i only felt with him …love before sight …love in a distance

What i went through and what it is right now had never been easy for me. It takes one too many heartaches, one too many sorrowful moments and one too many painful experiences to finally say i loved with all of my heart the best i could only if there were two hearts beating as one.

The Cover Up…

…to be continued