Get your head in the game

My life at work has been a bit fast paced for the last 3 years and a half now. I remember the first time I worked as a cashier in a fast food chain I was still a student that time which was four years ago. I saw my dad struggling with our finances at home so I decided to work so he wouldn’t give me my allowance and other expenses at school. It helped us a lot especially with our finances at home but not entirely with my studies, I started to have failing grades due to absences which was my choice because I couldn’t afford to get sick and no one would pay my medical bills just in case so I was taking care of myself very carefully. One day, my dad was really down and I could see the hardship on his face but he still managed to put his self together since he’s the head of the family. That was the day when I didn’t have enough funds to cover for my tuition fee and exams were getting nearer. Being vulnerable at that point in my life, I gave up my studies and chose to find a job that would give me and my family enough resource for our everyday expenses. In the year of 2008, Business Process Outsourcing also known as call center was at rise in our country so it gave us a lot of job opportunities and I was one of the people who got hired. As I have mentioned on my previous post about this call center experience, my first full time job only lasted for 3 months and I was 7 months unemployed. Afterwhich, my life had full of blessings not only I was able to buy things I would need for survival but for my family as well and not only that, I was able to send my brother in college even just for a 2-year course in the field of Computer Networking. Right now, it’s my greatest dream to finish my degree course since I only have a year and a half to walk down the aisle, to march and get my diploma. The only problem is that I left school with a debt. Of course I won’t let it just sit there and do nothing, I plan to pay for it and continue studying since I now have a source of income which I calculated that I could pay it off in ten months and could manage my time very well.

Let me tell you what exactly we’re doing as a Quality Analyst. We were hired to monitor and score recorded calls from law firms overseas to make sure that collectors would follow guidelines and codes of conduct by the client who retained their services, also to provide good customer experience.  As to my schedule, I find it really challenging working at night and find it difficult to sleep in the morning or early in the afternoon and I know it’s not good for my body and I’m health conscious by the way. In terms of our salary, it would be enough for my month’s expenses like transportation and meal allowance, utility bills and other type of bills plus I still get a chance to buy extra things and fund for my sport.

This would be the most interesting part of this post: How was I doing with my new working environment, the job itself and especially how was I doing with my colleagues as of this moment. I can’t say exactly I am always in good shape because a lot of times I am being challenged. I keep justifying myself and my judgment if I am really happy with my team but I always set it aside so I could work more productively. It’s not with the job I am having a hard time with since it was just easy as one, two, three but I can’t say right now that this is the job I want because what I love the most is art and writing. So what I do in order to cope up with my best interest in writing is that I write a lot when I have free time in everyday of my life, at least a part of me is still being outspoken in this not-so-perfect world. Justifying myself with the team in terms of friendship, I want to say everything, I want to express every tiny feeling I have as to why I changed. One, I became more conscious about my acts and with every word I say which is partly good but not entirely. You see, you now have to choose what you need to say because not everybody will listen and you don’t want to see them not looking at you directly which is a sign of boredom and not actively listening, that hurts. Second, I became more sensitive but trying to not show any kind of disappointment in my facial expression. Because no one listens, I chose to be alone which was more peaceful, hell yeah I was and still will be a loner. Third, I learned to keep my feelings because I was carefree before when I was younger, I was transparent to everyone in a nice way but not all the time. In short, I learned how to shut my mouth up. One day, a colleague brought a small piece of dress for me for our Christmas party and I didn’t like it at all so I told her that I was not wearing those kinds of dresses and it wouldn’t look any good in me especially with my big hips but they insisted that I wore it but I declined, I ended up not going to the party but with my badminton friends instead. She, my colleague who brought that black dress was disappointed and you could see it on her face. I felt the guilt because of what I did and I didn’t have the chance to say sorry because I couldn’t, I became coward to say the word.

I’d like to tell a story between me and this girl that I am pertaining to. We had a good relationship for first few months and she confided a part of her life with me so was I and still keep them safe even though we’re not talking anymore.  There was a time that when she tells me a story, she doesn’t seem too genuine for it, like she was just making out of it but I didn’t pay attention, I just let her talk so to kill time and to keep the conversation going and that was the first thing I didn’t like about her, too good to be true so I set it aside. Then, every time we take our break at work where there were three of us girls, she always talks over me or whenever I’m almost done with what I was saying, she then proceeded talking about herself and whatnots, she always wanted to be heard, always have to say something for something. What I did, to keep myself together, I looked on the brighter side why she was like that or why she had a personality like that, first was to keep the conversation going and secondly,  to know more about her and learn from her experiences. Until such day that I realized that learning from her was way over I could take and didn’t want to listen anymore because simply she’s way too over or more to say, overreacting.

Few days ago, I didn’t plan to let my entire burden out with my Boss when she coached me so we went down and lit few cigars (I don’t smoke). When she said to be professional at work and don’t include personal issues, I know it in my mind until I felt it real time where it was an overwhelming experience so I cried. We’re in one team so we have to deal with everyone’s self whether we are demanding, snobbish, witty, bully, loner, bossy or whatever you could think of. I just needed to cry to ease up the pain and to feel light which happened perfectly.

As of this moment, we’re now five months as Quality Analyst and all I could say is: Everything and everyone is different. I am totally different, perfectly different. I don’t feel like talking with that girl yet because I can’t and I won’t, unless it’s a business matter so we’ll keep it professional I should say. Even if I put my feet on the ground and say “sorry”, I still wouldn’t talk to her because I already lost my interest so I’ll just keep it to myself. I am happy not taking my breaks with my team unless again it’s required but with my other friends on the production floor and sometimes which is most of the time, I am happy taking my breaks alone.

Published by Summerseth

I’m in sync with my senses. When I have an instinct, it doesn’t mean I should blindly follow it. It’s a message that I should examine the situation a little bit more.

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  1. Thanks Michael, and that’s what they didn’t know about me and my friends like you either. Of how really crazy we are haha keep smashin! See you next badminton game!

  2. I can feel you. I wish they would know how good/fun/crazy/ of a friend you are. 🙂

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